Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Rough Draft

My Grandma
A person I admire very much is my grandma. She is a generous and funny person, and she is always willing to help someone.
There are many examples I could come up with for generous, but the biggest one for me is that her house is always open to her family. For instance, when I have an orchestra concert, I usually cannot go home to eat and shower after practice. But this is not a problem, since my grandma gladly lets me shower and eat before I go to the concert.
For funny, she always has something to complain about, it might be news, sports or politics, but it’s always in good humor, and it’s never annoying. She yells at the TV for any sport, and at all my games she’s yelling, commenting on everything. She just has a way of squawking that doesn't make anyone annoyed or angry.
Willing to help is also a big part of her personality. My sister used her as her confirmation adult, which my grandma gladly did, but she did not like all the things she had to do. But even though she didn’t like it, she did it for my sister.
Overall, my grandma is a very nice person who anybody would like, and these are just some of the many qualities that I admire about her. But if you asked her, she would say she’s just like everybody else.

5 comments:

  1. First of all your grandma sounds pretty amazing to have around. I really enjoyed how you rapped up the story. It flows nice throughout the whole essay and comes to a smooth stop. One question, the sentence 'For funny, she always....' is a weird sentence for me. If you could somehow revise it the sentence would sound better. If this were my paper I would obviously change that sentence.

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  2. I liked how you gave examples that showed how she was generous, funny, ect. It's really boring if you just say, "Oh, she's funny, nice and generous," and don't explain it. What sports does she watch? If this were my paper I would give specific examples within the example, like what sort of things did your grandma had to do for the confirmation thing.

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  3. I really liked how you gave examples and little stories that described your grandma because it made it more story-like instead of a boring essay. A question I had was how did she inspire you? You don't really mention that, and if this were my paper I would have told what about my grandma inspired me.

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  4. I agree with Kaity, your grandma does sound pretty swesome! I like how you describe how your grandma yells at the TV, my grandparents (and parents) do that too, and I could just imagine her doing that. I don't really have any questions, but if this was my paper, i would just fix up a few little grammatical details.

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  5. I really like the way you ended your story. I agree with katiebear. You explained very well about your grandma, but didn't really say how she inspired you which is pretty much what this essay is about. But otherwise, good job!

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